


Finding Strength - Yi Zhan

by LavinePetals



Category: Fandom - Fandom
Genre: #wangxian #xiaozhan #yibo #yizhan #bjyx #theuntamed, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23681692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavinePetals/pseuds/LavinePetals
Summary: "I needed a break to think it through, I needed time to recollect my thoughts, I needed faith to keep me going, I needed strength to move on" Xiao Zhan whispered in his heart as he look far beyond the horizon, as the waves breaks into the shore, as he feels the wind caressing his face bringing sweet memories back in a gush. He held back the lingering tears waiting to trickle down as his heart aches while he reminisces the lovely moments when he could freely express his thoughts silently to his  loved one. It has been a few months of agony and it's still hurting._________________________________________Chapter 1 - Catching Your Presence in the wind, painting our story with my heartChapter 2 - My songs are for youChapter 3 - Don't Come NearerChapter 4 - Finding StrengthChapter 5 - When the darkest pit felt almost eternalChapter 6 - The Choice is OursChapter 7 - My pledge to you
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Finding Strength - Yi Zhan

**Chapter1: Catching your presence in the wind, painting our story from my heart**

The evening seems quiet but I really like the quiet stroll down the beach. The last few months gave us time to unwind as the global pandemic hurts us but it also gave me opportunity to breakaway from the busy schedule of appointments and the event that unfold in February made me realised how fragile one's life is. We could be soaring in the skies reaching success beyond boundaries and yet the next moment I'm like Wei Wu Xian, at the edge of the cliff just feeling isolated, dejected and at the end of all hopes. You were there then at that moment when I felt I could not possibly move on, when breathing the next second feels tight and letting go was the only possible solution. I remember that moment when I had to rehearse the emotions that went into the scene - I gave it all, but it is that exact emotion I am reliving now, the exact sentiment I feel that I'm driven to the cliff again. The only difference is I'm walking this path on my own. I don't want to trouble anyone at this stage, I can't control what I cannot, and perhaps the only way is to eliminate the root cause. In this 3 months I've been thinking, I've been painting, I've been writing, I've been strumming. 3 paintings I've had in my collection of arts which I will share someday and a song which I've written that encapsulate our story for our fans and for the industry and the people we love. And in my story you will understand why I chose this path, I miss you. ——————————————————————— Xiao zhan closes his eyes as he continues to simmer himself into the dusk of the evening skies. He had never felt so alone, yet in it all a slight calm of his surrounding blanketed him. He had chosen to hid from the world, his loved ones and his fans. He felt that was the best way for now. His moment of silent starring into the calming waves was interrupted by a flashing screen on his phone. "Hi, just checking if you are alright, where are you? I've called your parents and your manager, they said you took time off" He left it there on the sand and continue to gaze blankly as he laid backwards down into the sand just starring upwards into the skies. Another buzz "Please call me back, we are worried, at least let us know you are alright, Zhan I'm here, let me in please I want to be there" He dropped his phone back again. This time tears trickled down freely, his wound open up again, his heart felt a sharp pain. Being an actor he could fake every emotion out, pretend a smile and force his tears to run and yet hold it when he needs to but today he just needs to be alone to let it out, no one to please, no emotions to be obliged to, no worries to contain, no press and perception to manage, just him and him alone. He knew this day would come when he had to choose.

He recalled the interview he had many times back last year when he was asked about having a relationship and he knew carefully that point of decision was crucial for the industry to pick up the signals, for his company to fault him if things go wrong and for the syndicates that operates in the rival industry to make a case and seize the opportunity to mark him off. What more, he could not and will not want to drag his loved ones into this. He took it on his own, everything cutting ties to save the ones he loved and divert all attention to him and him only. He will take it all - the haters, the criticisers, the endorser of brands... he will bear the consequences of his decision. It's been been 3 months since the cold awkward event - sitting apart. He begged them not to bother his loved one, he will comply he will not stand close to speak to him, no interaction at all, he promised as the CEO of Y company turns her back and thank him for being such a obedient person ahead of the event. He'd ask why before they reach the venue why can't they see each other after that just for a short moment even in the car before catching his flight out - Xiao Zhan kept silent not sharing the threat that looms in the way. He wanted to protect him, protect what they had. 

His thoughts came back again when his phone buzz again, picking it up - a long message follows "Just tell me where are you, I know we said we will walk our path, we will give ourselves time, but I need to know you are okay, Zhan you are driving me crazy again. I'm trying to focus and keep my promise to continue living on, I'm worried about you." He dropped his phone back onto the sand. "No" he said to himself. He has to cut all ties and this is the only way. He had to be cold, time will heal and he will move on, he needs him to move on. 

Xiao Zhan convinced himself and dropped back into the sand. The night skies were now filled with several distant stars as he looked up. It reminded Xiao Zhan of him even more. He shut his eyes and clenched his fists and thumped it hard to his heart to beat the pain. It seems strange compared to when he was last here, with him, the warmth was missing. It was the same setting, the only difference is there was a companion by him.

It was that spur of the moment when they took a day trip out here, when they coincided their schedule to meet up and decided to grab a dozen cans of beer and head out to this place. That very night had many fond memories engraved in his heart. They were frantically running to the airport the next morning amidst phone calls from their manager and trying to shake off the hang over from the night filled with alcohol, the night that sparked many buried emotions that engulfed the two souls searching for answers from one another.

It started with just the usual teasing about them acting to build the chemistry, the pretend of their playfulness together all for the purpose of the show they are casting. Every stare, every brush of touch and embrace was to built the chemistry that they needed but that night, the reality of pretend and practice was unclear. They laugh into the night as Xiao Zhan sip on to his beer and his companion race him to finish up his 1st can as he down his 3rd can. "I'm drinking, I'm drinking" Zhan said feeling challenged he gulp it down faster and tilted the can upside down with a thumbs up sign showing off his achievement. He continued with his second can sipping it as he hears his companion laughing as they were talking about their old cast team members what each one were up to and their lives now.

The stress free feeling was what he needed, a breakaway from the hectic schedule. He excused himself and ran back into a nearby restaurant to use the gents. His companion insisted to accompany him but he told him to guard the remaining drinks as he'd be quick, besides it's just a 100 meter away and he can manage his walk.

The atmosphere is loud inside and there were a bunch of people singing to a live band at the bar. He made he way through clumsily he was quite sure he could walk straight to the gents. As he near the door he tripped but was held from the back to balance his fall. "Careful" he heard as he steadied himself and turn he thank the person and went straight in to ease himself. He hurried up, flushed and head out again. He felt dizzy as he got back into the noisy atmosphere and halted for a bit.

"Are you okay? I saw you stumbling earlier. Here let me help you my friends are over there you can come and rest with us first" He resisted but could not make up much as his head starts to pound and the noise is just making it hard to hear, he was whisked into a nearby seat by the gentle men who looked concern at him. The gentlemen sat him down as Xiao Zhan tried to keep in check his view towards the window outside, his heart beat was racing, he knew his low alcohol intolerance was taking over.

The gentlemen then wrapped his hand around his waist and pulled him closer and introduce him to the other two friends."Found him near the gents, a bit tipsy" he said. The three of them looked polished and one guy smiled sheepishly "what's your name?" No respond. "Let him rest for a bit, here take this water" the gentleman holding his waist said. He felt the hand around him tighten and he tried to move away. The hands around him push him closer and he could hear the whisper "just rest don't move" Those concerned eyes were warm, in that moment he called "Yibo, my head hurts let's go back" He felt the closeness of the person listening in. He was sure he wasn't Yibo but he can't stabilised himself to move away.

The gentlemen looked at him and thought such innocent eyes and soft manners, very rare. "You want to go home? we can go back to my place just next door" He moved him up held him by the waist. His head was leaning on his shoulders and the gentlemen carefully move up from the seat guiding him out to the other exit when a hand reached out to grab his waist away from this man. "Zhan! Zhan!" Yibo shot a piercing look to the gentlemen. "Where are you taking him?" "He's your friend? I found him stumbling and in this condition, thought best to let him rest at my place next door" He said. I'll take it from here. Yibo whisked him fully back into his arms gave a stern look of 'don't even think of it,'hands off look' "You should take care of him, he looks so innocent and so tempting" He adjusted his shirt and collar back and extended his hands out "I'm Joe Chang, you must be Yibo. I've seen you around in the sports magazine. I'm an investor at one of the entertainment industry. Here with my business partners.

Yibo nodded, noticing the situation, he quickly grab Xiao zhan and move out. He called his driver to pick them up. "Zhan Ge wake up! Are you okay? You are seriously hopeless, it's just barely two cans and you are in this state, I told you to let me come with you" Yibo cursed himself recalling the incident earlier - if he'd come later he doesn't know what could have happen - entertainment industry is small, the man earlier ... he didn't like the look at his face and the way how his hands are hugging Xiao Zhan's waist. He could feel his anger rising, but he thought through logically who is he, investor? entertainment industry ? Who were the other two friends with him ? His driver arrived and drive them back to the hotel where they booked the night. Yibo rested Xiao Zhan's head on his shoulder as the driver drove them back.

"Yibo, Yibo" Xiao Zhan tossed around, drunk to the brimmed he was trying to speak "I called you, he took me to his seat... was trying to move away, where..," before he could finish, he felt Yibo patting his head "it's okay sleep, you are drunk" "No, no I'm not the night still young I want at some more beer" Yibo ignored him and push his head back to lean on to his shoulder. He can't imagine how contrast both of them were, he could hold 6 cans of beer easily plus any other drinks that comes along, here he is with Xiao Zhan not even managing 2 cans. 

He swear not to even let him drink out of his sight again. As they reached the hotel, Yibo moved Zhan to the bed, knowing they had a flight to catch tomorrow he was careful that xiao zhan manages his overhang before boarding. He took a bottle of water on the table, Open it and help Zhan up to drink it up. "Ahh no let's drink somemore" Zhan yell out after drinking half of the bottled water. Yibo ignored him and put him back down, he took the soaked towel and wipe Zhan's face. After removing his shoes and totally ignoring the constant nuisance noise on drinking more from Xiao Zhan, he move to wipe his hands and neck. Noticing his shirt was dirty with beer stained, Yibo went to the closet to retrieve a robe and remove Zhan's buttoned shirt to let him changed into that.

They've been closed enough to watch out for each other during their casting times. He paused after removing his shirt and sitting him up when he was about to slip the robe on, Zhan fell and rested on his chest mumbling "more drinks, I want more Yibo" Yibo stopped - the hidden feelings he'd been burying nudge him to look at Zhan at that moment. He wanted so much to take this bond they had deeper but he knew his earlier move to casually confessed to Zhan fired back and he took it out as an excuse that it is part of their acting and practicing phase of building chemistry for the show.

He has since bury that thought as he won't want to cross the boundaries again. But the moment now just seems to stopped all of sudden. He look at Zhan, Zhan sleepily smiled back "Yibo drink come on Yibo! give me more drinks I want more, somemore" The way how Zhan pleads for more just sends him into a state of freeze. All of sudden his confined feelings just exploded.

He tried to stopped his mind and heart from moving further into any thoughts but the feel of Zhan's body on his sends waves of urge that he couldn't explain. "Zhan Ge, I'm sorry". He pushes his lips down on his, closing his eyes and just let go of his thoughts. He wanted to feel, he wanted to let him know how much this buried feelings can erupt just at a trigger of such passing remarks from Zhan. Zhan froze a little but in his drowsy and half consciousness state manages to utter

"No...Yibo". Zhan was half conscious after the towel wipe and water drinking, he was not totally sure what was happening. His mind was logical for him to utter no. And he struggled to keep Yibo away but Yibo moved and pressed closer turning Zhan's wrist down and pressed on further.

Zhan was struggling with himself - the logical mind yet the passionate feelings he had stirred up within since they first started shooting the show. He had convinced himself they were just building the right chemistry for the shoot every time he feels his emotion stirring when Yibo looks at him intensively.

When they rehearse the scene falling off the cliff, he wasn't sure anymore he felt confused seeing Yibo's yearn for him and the desperate yell that follows, the emotion on Yibo's face clutching to every hope to save him from the fall. He himself was immersed in that scene - leaving the world and leaving all that he loved. Yibo moved his hands to embrace Zhan fully. Pushes him down on the bed. He felt Zhan trembling but he continued. "I want you zhan, I want you" Yibo presses his mouth further in. Zhan wants him too, he wants to feel this so much but he wasn't sure it was right for them, the harder he tried, he feel himself moving back to respond.

Yibo move his hands downwards fidgeting at Zhan's pants, he unbutton and unzip he pants. At the same time removes his shirt and clumsily his pants. the built up of this emotion has been so long that he felt it can't be kept confined anymore. The hunger he felt with their touch of skin, the yearning eyes they had it, all just had to be unleashed. Yibo still weary of Zhan's trembling body, he knew Zhan was fighting his mind but his body and heart just couldn't hold on anymore. He began to respond ...

"Yibo... I.." "Shhh... Zhan I'm here, I'll guide you" Slowly Yibo shifting him guiding Zhan's hand downwards for him while he move to stroke Zhan

"Ah! No Yibo" "Shhh it's okay... just feel it slowly" Zhan followed, as Yibo picked up his pace Zhan's breath starts to sink deeper. He had never done this before and though he had heard much of Yibo's colourful life in the past he wasn't sure how it would feel.

The only moment he had that slight glimpse of imagination was when he read with Yibo on the extra chapters of the novel book they had to pick up to build the chemistry for the casting. Yibo moves faster and removed Zhan's hands as he just wanted Zhan to focus on accepting his own feelings on wanting this. He stroke and move downwards to place his tongue on Zhan's already stiff head below.

"Ahhh! Yibo! Ahh! No... don't, ahhhhhh! Zhan exploded uncontrollably while Yibo look on with pleasure. He was happy to see his Zhan Ge this way. He didn't stopped, didn't let him rest. Before Xiao Zhan could take a moment to recollect what has just happen, Yibo claimed his mouth again, he pressed it hard until Zhan let out a moan - desperately kissed him back.

"Are you okay? more?" Before Zhan can respond. Yibo moved him to face the bed on his knees, he caressed his spine with kisses and on hearing zhan whimpering

"More?" "Yes..hmm yes" The sudden turn in his answer made Yibo proud. he moved his hands downwards to the valley between the two cheeks down the spine trailing his tongue downwards. Zhan froze ... Yibo knew it's Xiao Zhan's first and he wanted to make it a moment Zhan will remember their first time. He took his time to prepare Zhan. Slowly caressing the entrance with his fingers. Zhan was scared, again it was this constant struggle again that came again and Yibo knew ... he needed Zhan to conquer it, he knew what Zhan is struggling with - to shut his mind and follow his heart. And he wants to win his heart and pegged it forever.

Yibo moved slowly he hugged him from behind and moved his fingers to probe further. As the wetness from Zhan's earlier release as trickled down to his pinkish hole. Yibo spread it to ease his fingers sliding in ..

"Yibo, ahh! I don't think we should..." "shhh..." he quiet him down and comforted him planting kisses on his back and the two cheeks. As he move his second finger in - he could feel zhan getting lost in a trance as his body corresponding back to the move of Yibo's fingers slowly " Ahh pain.. Yibo , gently" Yibo slowed down and moved his fingers out before pushing his length in again slowly.

The wet entrance facilitated the insert. As the sliding and friction to swallow Yibo's full length came to reality. Zhan gave a loud slow whimpering moan. His eyes were tearing. Seeing that, Yibo knew he had to move fast to make his Zhan Ge drowned in desire that will overcome the pain. He moved in and out slowly guided by Zhan's moaning.

"Yibo! Ahhhhh! Don't don't! "Let me know if you want to stop" Yibo slowed down Yibo loved zhan so much, he just can't hold back anymore, he thrust deeper but he held back as he saw Zhan's clenching. 

And when he was about to pull it out "No!!! Ahh don't stop... don't pull out! "You sure?" Yibo controlling himself but asked just to make sure as he was readily to move back in "I want! want some more I want!!" 

At that remark, Yibo lost it. He thrust and thrust and thrust! "ahhh Yibo! Ahhhhhhh! Faster!" Every remark that came after that made Yibo crazy. He pounced in harder and harder and harder piercing Zhan's first experience deeper and deeper. 

"Yibo!! Ngmmm ahh! Xiao zhan releases as he feels the warmth in him from Yibo's release in him as they both collapse breathless on the bed. 

Yibo wrapped his arms around Zhan and kissed him on his lips" "Zhan Ge forgive me I really love you, I've been keeping this feeling and I know you too, I wanted us to face it and take it from here, I need to feel you and show you how I feel, I needed to feel you if you felt the same too"

Xiao Zhan rolled himself further into Yibo's hug shyly and whispered "thank you"


End file.
